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Archive for the ‘Stupid People’ Category

So…about those Banks

In Britney Spears, FML, Hate The Banks, Money Trouble, Paul Krugman, Politics, Space Aliens, Stupid People on July 18, 2012 at 10:40 PM

Banks are not your friend.

I mean, like “duh”! Right?

Who even thought up the concept of a bank? Oh, Italians. Of course.

Well, in case you haven’t figured it out yet, Banks are not your friend. They act like they are, by sending you constant invites to their exclusive “credit card” clubs. Then they shame you by telling you your creditworthiness is not up to snuff. Then of course, they try to sell you on their credit rating monitoring program.

They entice you with ads and promises of credit, loans, and interest rates that will make all your financial dreams come true.

Ha! What a bunch of hooey.

Banks are not your friend. Sure, they want your money. Even if it’s merely pennies. My goodness, what a bank can do with just pennies! But they don’t care about you. They don’t care about the Community, or Society, or anyone but themselves!

And who are the Banks? They’re the CEOs and Elite Executives of the corporation. Because Banks are Corporations and as Mittens says “Corporations are people, my friend”.

Hmm, really? So, could we walk up to a Bank and slap it’s face for pulling this kind of crap?

What about this crap?

Or how about a little of this mixed in with a bit of this and that?

It’s enough to make someone scream! And want to slap someone! But, who?

“Corporations are people, my friend.”

Yes, Mittens. That’s all well and good, however there’s no one to slap, is there?

What exactly are we supposed to do here? Line up all the CEOs and Elite Executives and punch them in the face?

Hmmm, actually…

Seriously. What in the world is going on and could the Aliens just come down and save us from ourselves already?

I for one wouldn’t mind really if we were taken over by a Superior Race and told what to do. As long as we stopped abusing each other and cleaned up the planet.

Really. I think it would be fine, just wonderful in fact, if the Superior Race placed us under a Conservatorship or something. I mean Britney’s doing so much better now, right?

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Tornadoes in Brooklyn – Evidence of Government Weather Machine?

In Nikola Tesla, Politics, Stupid People on September 21, 2010 at 3:17 PM

You betcha!

What more compelling evidence do you need? Come on, do you really think all this weather-related chaos is Mother Nature’s doing? Hella no, Basquiat! Everyone knows it’s the Gumment comin’ for da Hipstas.

Just in case you haven’t kept up on your conspiracy theory, alternate history, shadow government lore – the “Government” allegedly has a massive weather-controlling device that was designed by none other than Nikolas Tesla (my big fave of all time). They keep it up in Outer Podunk, just past Nowheresville, Alaska. Don’t believe me? Well ex-wrestler/ex-Governor Jesse Ventura uncovered the layer cake cover up and brought the whole thing to light on his teevee show.

This is a super cool vid that REALLY explains it all.

So, anyway. We all know Governments want to topple each other and America is especially vulnerable now that we’ve single-handedly smashed the world economy. I’m sure lots of nations are just itching to get us back for that. How can we possibly defend ourselves? With HAARP, of course. Now, in the United Nations charter, or footnotes, or somewhere, there’s an agreement between nations that they wouldn’t use weather-manipulation weapons against each other. Wow. So cool. So obvi, the capability for using such weapons is there. Who could have designed such an incredible device? Only everyone’s super fave of all time – Nikola Tesla.

But there’s nothing anywhere stating nations couldn’t use the weather weapon on their own turf. So, is that why Hurricane Katrina devastated New Orleans? So they could redistribute all the Democrat-voting lower-income peeps away from the area? Or was it just a big oops? And if it was a big oops, did the same idiots just oops it up on Brooklyn?

Let’s follow the facts: Nola is a very hip, cultured, diverse, and historically important area that houses a lot of musicians, artists, writers, and social rebels. Wow. Look at that. I just described Brooklyn, too.

But why would the Government unleash such a weapon on the hipsters of Brooklyn? Because they’re annoying as hell, people. You know you want to say it. When you see some hipster coming at you with their thrift-store threads and their tats you brace yourself. Will it be a pleasant “Hey man, howzitgoin?”, or will it be a smirk and an eye-roll because you’re wearing a baseball cap instead of a porkpie hat? Also, the jealousy factor. How many of you, don’t lie, have seen some hipster wearing or riding something so flipping uber cool and thought to yourself “Where did that *&%$# hipster get that?” It’s all true, you know it is, admit it, don’t lie. So, it’s not hard to figure out why the Government would go after all the cool people in Nola and Brooklyn.

The big question is, what are we gonna do about it? Are we going to let this hipster annihilation just roll on by? Stand up, people! Defend Williamsburg! Defend the Treme! Silverlake could be next!

PS – Yes, I do know that little tornadoes have been known to hit Huntington Beach, but everyone there is so totally faux and no one cares if HB gets wiped out, so. Although, everyone knows Long Beach would be a grievous loss.

Why is San Francisco airport always such a drag?

In Stupid People on August 22, 2010 at 7:54 PM

I had reason to leave the area and I had to use San Francisco airport and it was a total drag. Just so you know.

Also, it took me over 4 hours to get to Half Moon Bay, where i was visiting a friend. Really, SFO? 4 hours of my life just to get out of your lousy airport and down to Half Moon Bay. I am saddened at what service has become in this country. There was a really indolent girl working at the CalTrain station and she was helping a really self-important customer when I got there. After 15 minutes, really no lie, the man in line behind me started making noise about missing trains. The self-important customer, a very smug kind of person, turned to all of us behind him in line and started lecturing us on how to travel. He smugly told us that he always purchases tickets online ahead of time and that he also always arrives anywhere he’s going at least 30 minutes early. The implication was that all of us in line behind him were idiots, incompetents, or just not savvy.

I strongly believe he was speaking to the wrong crowd. I let the man behind me go next in line as I’d already missed my train. The self-important man overheard this exchange, which admittedly couldn’t have been hard. He then turned to us and said “Well, it’s not my fault you missed your train. You should blame your own poor planning. Take my advice and…” He shut his fat, dumb mouth right about then because there was a large man two people behind me in line who stepped forward and said “I don’t like the sound of your voice. I don’t want to hear it anymore.”

Normally I don’t go for this type of public intimidation, but it was quite a heart-warming Hallmark moment. I wished later that intimidating man had ridden in the shuttle van with me. Our van driver was of Eastern European descent and seemed quite fond of frightening his passengers. He made of game of running stale yellow and a few bright red lights. The van bucked and swerved, luggage fell over, and the passengers called out things like “Look out!” and “Please slow down!”, but the driver didn’t seem to hear or care. The two Asian passengers tried to talk to him saying, “Sir, please have consideration of our safety”, and “Please, sir. Consider the safety of us”, but the driver only yelled back to not talk to him while he was driving as it was unsafe.

My thoughts were running wild on the ride. I didn’t want to die with these people. I also didn’t want to die right then as it was inconvenient and I’m not prepared. I don’t think I even have a Life Insurance policy on myself at the moment. Also, I don’t have instructions for my family in the event of my death.

I’d prefer no heroic measures, I suppose. Also, I don’t have anything of too much value, so who cares about any of that? I’d prefer to be cremated and have my ashes spread in the Pacific, but not too near the Mexican border because I’m mad at Mexico right now.

I’ll have to think more on this. Is planning one’s death macabre or morbid? I don’t know, but it’s certainly a lot more fun than planning the rest of your miserable life sometimes.

Is Life Worth Living?

In Politics, Stupid People on August 12, 2010 at 9:04 AM

That’s really the big Q, isn’t it?

At this point, I’m not entirely sure. I mean what do we really have to look forward to? The climate is rapidly changing. Are we prepared for what’s to come? Clearly not. And what of it? Supersize hurricanes, violent tornadoes, massive snowstorms, raging floods, torrential downpours, blazing heat…extreme weather in a nutshell, right? How fun is that?

Plus, the economy. Um…yeah. I don’t think I can really say anything more on that subject without screaming like a lunatic and shooting myself in the head with a pneumatic nail gun, so.

Relationships, then? That’s always a hotbed of controversy to fall back on.

I’m glad Prop H8 was overturned by a sensible judge. UNCONSTITUTIONAL, People! That’s twice it’s been struck down from the bench for being unconstitutional. Of course the h8ers are taking it further. That’s cool. Let’s see how far this hatred train goes.

Yes, I said hatred train. As in Meg Whitman. Let’s talk about that crazy red lady for a moment. Who said anger management? Was it me? I think it was, actually. Nuttier than a fruitcake, this one. Unstable. Unable to manage her emotional self.

Now she wants to be the savior of the Latino community. Really, Meg? Which one? Rancho Mirage? Rancho Santa Fe? Is that what you were thinking? Because normally when sane and rational people in the know speak about the Latino community, they are referring to people of Hispanic descent. You know, like the ones you want to cut off from jobs and civil rights.

Meg Whitman is a liar, in Spanish

Did I tell you this nutjob beat the crap out of her publicity person when she was still trying to steer eBay away from the disasters she created? Oh yeah, kids. Believe it.

Meg Whitman’s professional standards

The woman got like $200k and then later came back after “Wig-outman” left the building for good. How scary to have some maniac Republican “escort” you out of the room because you dare speak the truth in front of others. This makes me wonder if Whitman is really a man with a tiny little penis. It would definitely explain some of her more bizarre behavior.

Anyway, there’s really not too much to discuss about Whitman. She’s frightening because she’s a GW Bush in female panties, which if you ask certain peeps in the know, it’s not the first time GW Bush has been in female panties. Take that however you want, kids.

In other ridiculous news, I heard Ellen Degeneres turned down some documentary filmmakers who are trying to finish up an expose on Big Pig oil. They asked her Gayness for a measly $10k and she said no. So, give her the finger if you see her for me, will ya? Any finger will do, I’m not a fascist about it.

Should we talk about Mel Gibson today? No, I’ll save him for tomorrow. He’s a post all to himself.

Eat a hot pepper!

In Politics, Stupid People on July 10, 2010 at 6:22 PM

I didn’t feel like I was angry enough at the world to blog recently. How ridiculous! There’s so much to be angry about every day. Every single day.

I went for a job interview also. It didn’t make me angry, it just made me sad. I don’t think I’ll ever have a job again and I’m slowly becoming one of those people whom everyone else seems to hate. My friend’s father has decided to hate anyone who is unemployed. He firmly believes that we are all just lazy bums, leeching the system. Oh, yes! Because it’s such a pleasure having nothing to do and no money with which to do it. He’s kind of a moron. He’s also a Republican, a bigot, and another Palin/Coulter supporter. Who are these crazy people? Where did they come from? What trauma did they suffer in their lives to make them so unreasonably insane?

I don’t know. She told me that he keeps emailing her political youtube videos and articles about how unemployed people are taking advantage of all the hard-working “real” Americans. He keeps talking about some girl he knows from somewhere, some colleague’s stepdaughter or something, who routinely gets a job, works long enough to go on unemployment and then gets herself fired so she can go to the beach all day until her unemployment runs out again.

Really? I need a judge’s ruling on this one because I just find it too hard to believe. How old is this girl? Where is she getting these jobs? I strongly suspect it’s in fast food or teen retail. How is it she keeps getting awarded unemployment without question? I had a hard time getting reinstated the second time I was on unemployment in a year. Without a letter from my former employer, I’m not sure I would have received it. I am only getting less than $1,000 a month as it is, and currently not even that until the Senate votes to reinstate benefits. Does this girl have any rent to pay? Does she have bills? A car payment? Anything? Maybe she’s only working during Summers because she’s a student. I don’t know. Something’s fishy about this story. Especially about her spending all day at the beach. Who does that anymore? What, is this girl 17? And why would she be spending all day at the beach when it’s been like the coldest Summer in forever?

Anyway, he uses this mystery girl as a reason to hate all unemployed people who have somehow driven the national debt into the trillions by refusing to work. As if it couldn’t possibly have anything to do with Bush’s vanity wars or the Ayn Rand-loving Republicans allowing Wall Street to run rough shod all over the American dream of home ownership. I seem to recall that as Clinton left office there was a practical plan of controlling and paying down the debt, and now after a solid 8 years of Red State BS, we again have a Democratic (allegedly) regime. What now? Things had become such a mess they called the janitor in to clean it all up?

It really pisses me off to hear my friend’s stepfather blow hard about “all these bums on the dole”. Unemployment Benefits are INSURANCE! We paid into the system when we were working our asses off just like everyone else. Do we get to complain about how all the old folks get Medicare and SSI? No, we don’t. Because they paid into the system. Oh, wait. Maybe some of them didn’t. Maybe it was their husband, or their parent who paid in. By his ignorant logic do we get to just cut them off to set them straight?

This man is the epitome of what I can’t stand. He has a job he hates. He goes to it everyday. He has risen up the ranks simply by showing up every day. He makes good money. He has good benefits and retirement. He’s moderately invested and moderately realized gains. He was able to improve his house and has gained equity there. He takes vacations. He gets a new car every 4 years. He is your average white, middle-class, Baby Boomer. He watches TV all the time. As a matter of fact, it’s his media of choice and he gets all his global perspective from FOX News. I don’t know why he latches onto ideas that certain groups of people are ruining “his” America. It’s the creative people who won’t get a steady job. It’s the illegal immigrants who take jobs away from Americans. It’s the Liberals who give jobs away. It’s the unemployed who refuse to work. It’s the students who force their parents to pay for expensive college tuition and then won’t leave the house or get a job. It’s the Jews who want to destroy Christian values. It’s the Gays and Lesbians who want to destroy the family units. It’s the Satan Worshippers (really? REALLY?) who want to destroy God’s Church. It’s the Entertainment Industry who wants to destroy the American culture.

It’s always someone else who is attacking this man. I think he feels like he’s supposed to be a King because he’s the white man who’s done everything right. He went to school, he got a job, he got a wife, he bought a house, he got a family, he does what he’s supposed to and…now what? The Liberals have ruined the country for him.

Shouldn’t he be delighted that his greedy buddies threw the economy into a depression? Don’t let them fool you into thinking this is just a little recession, kids. It’s a depression, yes it is. And this one is not great. This is one will probably be known as the The F*CKING DEPRESSION.

Okay, I’m done ranting about his stupid ignorant ass. I know what’s wrong with him. I won’t say it here. Okay, I will. He needs to get laid and even a crack whore won’t do it.