Ann Coulter is a fraud

In Politics on July 2, 2010 at 6:26 AM

I watched a lot of Ann Coulter yesterday and I have to say, I’d certainly hate to be her publicist. She reminds me of Katie Heigl. That’s Katherine Heigl to most of you.

I liked when Ann almost got a pie thrown in her face.  I used to know a girl very much like Ann Coulter. She was that same kind of gawky tall and she had that same kind of face, where you can’t decide if she’s pretty or weird looking. This girl used to go to the same church group I did, before I became lucid and realized religion was just a noose around the neck.

Anyway, this girl, who coincidentally I think was also named Ann, used to go on and on and on about stuff, trying to sound intelligent, and well-informed, and opinionated. Then when someone would correct her on something or ask her to clarify what she’d just said, this girl would just act like a nutjob and deflect, change the subject, flat out deny that she’d said what she’d just said, etc. Sometimes she would get really girlish and ask why everyone was ganging up on her and other times she would get really silly and make all these outrageous statements about how Christ dying on the cross was the equivalent of her mother giving her extra money for clothes or something. It was really ridiculous.

All the guys in church really grooved on this chick, too. It was kind of disgusting. They all thought she was really a “hardcore” Christian the way she would sit around and get into these absurd discussions with them about who was a Pelagian and who was an authentic Calvinist. It was really banal.

I’m so glad to not have to be a Christian anymore. I don’t knock it for those who truly believe. It simply wasn’t my path. I believe that everyone has a path and that life is ultimately a spiritual journey. Christianity was not my path. It was too filled with hatred and judgmental attitudes. How no one can ever be a good enough Christian was one of the things that drove me insane. Also, all the contradictions really got to me. You know they say that humanity is God’s creation and that he delights in us, but we are fatally flawed and if we don’t accept Jesus into our hearts we are condemned to hell for all eternity. Who thought this stuff up? And if it’s true, God’s kinda cruel and plays with his food before eating it.

Anyway, I couldn’t stand that girl and she eventually married this real blowhard jackass of a guy and I remember hearing some rumor that he cheated the night before the wedding. Guys like that usually do. Girl like that usually choose guys like that.

So, back to Ann Coulter, Henry Rollins’ secret crush. I think she’s a fraud. I think she’s just doing it for the fame and the money. I think as soon as anyone stops paying attention to her she has a hissy fit and does something outrageous to get attention, like storm off Hannity and Colmes because she was feeling ignored. Should we feel sad for Ann? Should we pity her that her insecurities make her act out in such a public way? Her madness makes her say and write outlandish things and even when she’s confronted, like by Mike Huckabee Ann Coulter Gets Owned by Huckabee or when she’s corrected like in this instance Ann Coulter Gets Owned, or when she just feels ignored, overwhelmed, and is fixing for a hissy fit like in this case Ann Coulter Storms Off Hannity and Colmes.

Did you see how she said things were going swimmingly in Afghanistan? Poor Ann is delusional. She needs help.

But I’m too angry to feel bad for her. I felt bad for Paris Hilton when she was locked up, but I can’t drum up any pity for Ann.  It’s like when a homeless person asks you for money and you just want them to go away. I do feel bad for her, and I’m sure some kind of mental illness is involved, but please, oh please just go away because you scare me, you really freak me out. Maybe I should scrounge around for loose change to send to Ann.

Wait a minute, that’s not right. Why should I send that crazy bitch my loose change? She must be making bank running around like a circus freak. Meanwhile, her Elephant friends have cut off my unemployment benefits! Earth to Republicans – unemployment benefits are not welfare, they are insurance that workers paid into the system and will again if they are ever allowed to work again.

Oh, the vein in my neck is beginning to throb and I haven’t even had any breakfast yet. I will post later about that pizza delivery boy.


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